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You Asked About: How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Having An Affair

John asks…

I’m having an affair with a guy that i have true feelings for?

i’ve been having an affair with a guy that i’ve know for more than 5 years now & i really have strong feelings for him, but one thing; he has a girlfriend, not long term but if i was her i would be pissed if someone cheated on me, & i always consider her feelings cuz i look at it from other ppls point of view but i can’t say no to him & we have so much fun together(not only sexually but everything) he said he’s gonna break up with her eventually & i dont wanna be the reason of that but i want him for myself & he says he wants to be with me & he said all the gudd things i wanna hear, i know it’s too gudd to be true but idk but how can i even trust him now? what do i do about this situation? please don’t tell me to stop seeing him =’[
but i want the truth & your opinion, nothing mean please.
thank you everyone, i’m really gonna try to go by what everyone says. i know i don’t want this bullcrap with him so ima put an end to it.
sorry delilah, i meant to put thumbs up.

Chas answers:

He’s a player and will always be. He will do it to you if you don’t let him be. But I’m not telling you to stop screwing him though. Everybody wants a booty call and he has his. Sorry but that’s how I see it.

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You Asked About: How To Confront A Man About Cheating

Paul asks…

my very close friend is sleeping with a married man. i need some advice?

my friend met a guy at a party that i had. let me give an intro ,she was in a very dead end relationship with a man cheated on her numerous times but she kept taking him back. she was with hi 3 years i know her well and i think she was smitten by him mainly because he was an extremely buff guy with a good build and she is mostly about the about the looks.which is ok but my problem with that is she rather have the looks and fore go a decent guy that will care about her. anyway when the relationship broke off she constantly went on to me about the way men will always cheat and a girls just got to live with it but her ex’s cheating had got out of hand as he had these girls calling him round the clock and he even had pics of them on his phone .
anyway she met this new guy 21/2 yrs later at a party that I had. he was just her type quite good looking very well presented party guy u know … a fun guy, i encouraged her to see where it would go with him not knowing he was married.( he didn’t wear a ring but he did tell her later on that night that he had a live in girlfriend)
later that night my partner told me that he knew the man in question well and that he was indeed married and not living with a girlfriend like he had said , he even had a child and that i needed to tell my friend to leave him be. we spoke and she seemed to understand that nothing could come out of it. couple of months after that people started to talk about seeing the two of them out and that they were an item . i was taken aback that she had gone ahead with seeing this man i called her up and reminded her of just how crashed she was with her ex’s behavior and that she was doing the same to this mans wife. she said she would end it, said she had been lonely and that this man was such a comfort , he had been repeatedly telling her that the relationship with his wife was non existent and he loves her . she is a smart girl and she said she had a feeling he was not being honest.the long and short of it is that she promised to nip it in the bud.
this morn my partner tells me that he was told by this mans cousin that she has still been carrying on with him and they see each other on a regular basis that the cousin had actually dropped him off at my friends house a few times in the evenings.
what should i do ? do i cut her off because im appalled that she is ruining someone else marriage and frankly i don’t trust anything she tells me now? do i confront her with the fact that i know about this ‘thing’ ? do i let her sister in on this because she might be able to talk some sense in to her u see she is 32 and carrying on with this guy is distracting her from finding someone that she may be able to settle down with?
im sorry my story is so long just wanted to give y’all some background to the story……. thanks in advance for your advice…

Chas answers:

You should do nothing. This has nothing to do with you. If you want to be self righteous and cut off ties with her, then feel free. You need to stay out of her business.

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You Asked About: Signs Affairs Marriage

Sharon asks…

Who would support the covenant marriage law?

This is something that has been implemented in 3 states. It is an optional marriage license couples can sign that states if they want to get a divorce they must first,
get marital counseling, wait 2 years, and either prove abuse, affair or neglect.

What do you think. It has saved many marriages already

Chas answers:

Yes, I would support that. Marriage is taken too lightly.

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You Asked About: When Your Spouse Has An Affair

Maria asks…

Why blame the other party when your spouse has an affair?

I see it all the time.

“My husband has had an affair and the woman is a s!ut etc” or
“My wife is screwing an a$$hole bloke”

Why do people think the other person is responsible for their spouse choosing to shag them?

It doesn’t matter if they know the person is married, has kids or whatever.

The spouse is the guilty one – right?
I think it’s a denial thing.
How could your lovely loving hub/wife ever do that to you?
It has to have been that they were coerced by this other person.
Thats not the case though…we are all responsible for our own actions.

Chas answers:

I agree with you 100%. I’ve always been puzzled by the same thing. The married person who cheated is the responsible party. It seems like women especially like to go after the mistress instead of getting rid of the cheating husband. I think you’re right. They don’t want to admit that it was the husbands idea….it had to be the slut. I guess it makes them feel somewhat better but it’s only denial. Each person makes a decision to go through with it. Even if someone was an incredible flirt we all have free will & should be able to control ourselves in these situations. I mean come on, we’re not animals. Excuses, excuses. The easy way out.

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You Asked About: Whats Cheating And What’s Not

Steven asks…

Are you guilty of sleep cheating? Whats your Sun/ Mars/Venus?

Sleep cheating meaning do you have sex with other people and not your partner in your sleep? Is this wrong to do if one does? What’s your perspective? Don’t forget your Sun/ Mars/Venus. Im a Libra/ Mars in Scorpio/Venus in Scorpio and yes I do sleep cheat and I feel awful about it but can’t stop doing it.

Chas answers:

Libra tends to punish themselves sometimes for things that are perfectly fine.
They get too caught up in what’s right and such cuz “Venus” is their ruler.
Plus they’re an air sign and seeking balance and right answers. They could argue with themselves all day.. Almost so similar to Virgo but not.
At some point it becomes a little too “Watchful” to be so concerned with sleep cheating. You or your partner probably can’t help it. If anything that’s what trust is for..
I used to be concerned with sleep cheating or being sleep cheated on, I had control of my dreams to some extent where I would actually not sleep with anyone in my dream if I was going out with someone!! But seriously if you can’t help it then whatever, be free!!
Aries sun, venus, mars
three planets in Libra!: jupiter, saturn, pluto

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You Asked About: Is My Wife Having An Affair Signs

David asks…

How do I cope with this?

My wife of twenty+ years is having an emotional affair with no one. She is seeing things that are not there. For example, she will sign onto her youtube account and look at the recommended videos and she believes that they are the result of someone else trying to say something to her. She sees meaning in posts on facebook that are not there. Now, I know for a near certainty that there is no one trying to woo my wife. Although she has picked out a guy to focus on… I am certain he is unaware of it. I have tried to explain her that what she sees isn’t really there. There have been zero emails, messages, communications with this person yet she is certain that this relationship exists and that this other man is her one ‘true’ love. Actually, ‘true true’ love in her own words. We have been arguing about this for months now and I have set up a counseling session with a therapist to help her sort this out, hopefully… That session is three weeks away and I am slowly going insane. She will not drop this fantasy, it is very real to her. What hurts the worst is her unwillingness to defend her marriage vows. She says it ‘just happened’. That she didn’t go looking for it. She didn’t guard her heart for me as I have done for her. That really hurts, a lot. I am having a very hard time getting past this hurt. She is continually checking his facebook page throughout the day and she gets upset at me for being upset about it. I have asked her to fight for our marriage or please cut it off and leave. She says that she doesn’t want to leave me but she won’t let the love she has for this other man go. Well, she said it two weeks ago but then she just reclaimed it today or she was lying two weeks ago. I can’t be certain with her anymore. My trust in her has been crushed. She has never been adept at lying so I thought that when she let it go two weeks ago that she meant it. Maybe she did at the time. I dunno, perhaps she just learned how to lie. I am trying to keep this marriage together for at least another two years. We have to finish raising one child. I would rather have her as my lifetime partner but with this new twist I don’t know if I can trust her to guard her heart for me if we somehow manage to get beyond it.

A little history… We got married very young. I was 20 she was 18. We had our first child 2 yrs later then another quickly followed. Finances have always been tough. I have kept up constant employment and she would only work sparingly. She has real trouble keeping jobs, she doesn’t feel like going to work and calls off, the boss yells at her, coworkers gossip, the kids need her to stay at home. And I haven’t complained about it. The kids having a mother at home is worth it to me. But now one kid is out of the house and the other will be in a couple of years. She says that she needs to get a job and she looks, somewhat… Maybe one day out of the week. My family was NOT accepting of her at the outset. It took years for them to accept her and their reluctance to do so has really scarred her. I think that she blames me for it. I have backed her up though. We kept the kids away from my parents when my mother got abusive with my wife for months until they apologized. My wife was sexually molested by her grandfather at a very young age almost up to her teen years and her father was emotionally detached…for whatever reason. He still won’t own up to it today. So my wife has some serious man issues that she says I have helped her with. She says that she respects me yet she pulls this garbage on me. I know that I have not told the whole story here. I don’t think that I really can. Its twenty+ years. I can only pray that Jesus flips some switch and turns her brain back on. I am so hoping this therapy works.

Chas answers:

There is definately a mental health issue there. She is suffering from what they call ‘delusions’. Losing jobs is often a big sign of mental health issues too. The therapy will help! So will medication. I can’t understand how difficult this is for you to deal with all i can say is its not a case of she’s learnt to lie, she is unwell. She will honestly believe these things are true and will believe them when she says them. But later she may believe something else. Just try and hang in there, the therapy may take a while to help. It’s a real learning curve and she will need your love and support.
I hope things get better for you

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