So how do you forgive and, if you can’t, how can you stay in the relationship?

There are so many possible variations on stances you can take the mind boggles e.g.

1) I can’t forgive just yet but will continue in the relationship in the hope that eventually I can.

2) You’ve cheated at least once and I’m not prepared to give you a second chance.

3) I’ll give you a second chance but you have to understand that it’s your ‘last’ chance.

4) I’ll stay with you because of the kids but our personal relationship is effectively over.

5) I can’t live without you so I have to forgive you.

and on, and on.

For true forgiveness to happen and for the relationship to go on there has to be agreement and conviction on both sides. It’s no good if only one party is prepared to discuss the issue and make changes in their behaviour. A mutual agreement on the best way to move forward is vital.

A temporary separation to let things cool down (and No! that isn’t giving anyone permission to play around) can sometimes help. During that separation meetings, or dates (!), should take place re-building trust and affection.

Whatever decision you are going to take as to the future, if any, of your relationship now that your partner’s infidelity has been exposed – or even if it is only a suspicion at this stage – you need to arm yourself with the knowledge you’ll need. Don’t jump ship before grabbing a lifebelt!

Check out Dr Bob Huizenga’s book – Break Free from The Affair

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