Comments on: Clues That Your Partner Is Having An Affair. No need to be Sherlock! http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair Sun, 09 Oct 2011 19:00:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Chas http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2576 Chas Sun, 09 Oct 2011 19:00:43 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2576 @Lora I think your husband, instead of trying to get you help, is a manipulative s.o.b. who gets a kick out of your mental/emotional issues and seriously enjoys the confusion you face in your life and relationship with him. I understand that you get super frustrated when being accused of things you haven't done e.g. having an affair with the boss. Your main problem is that instead of just laughing those accusations off you get super-emotional and angry ( which, let's face it, make you appear guilty, right?) and sounds like your husband love all that super emotion when you go crazy, pointing out it's all lies. When you can clam down long enough to simply say to your a-hole husband, "Don't be stupid!" that will be a beginning. Hell,what do I know, I'm not a counsellor/therapist/psychoanalyst and haven't played one on TV. @Lora I think your husband, instead of trying to get you help, is a manipulative s.o.b. who gets a kick out of your mental/emotional issues and seriously enjoys the confusion you face in your life and relationship with him.

I understand that you get super frustrated when being accused of things you haven’t done e.g. having an affair with the boss.

Your main problem is that instead of just laughing those accusations off you get super-emotional and angry ( which, let’s face it, make you appear guilty, right?) and sounds like your husband love all that super emotion when you go crazy, pointing out it’s all lies.

When you can clam down long enough to simply say to your a-hole husband, “Don’t be stupid!” that will be a beginning.

Hell,what do I know, I’m not a counsellor/therapist/psychoanalyst and haven’t played one on TV.

]]> By: Lora http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2575 Lora Sun, 09 Oct 2011 18:43:33 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2575 Hello My name is Lora, I am 37 years old and I married my husband when I was 18 years old. My husband was 19 at the time and we have children. My husband feels that I am an abusive partner. He feels this way because he cannot hold up a conversation with me and when he does, should I disagree with him, I shout loudly for everyone to hear, I scream and use vulgar language. As I am writing this story my husband is sitting next to me, pointing out what I should say. When I am not saying what he wants, which is most probably the truth, he is telling me that I am a compulsive liar, I am also to my husband a pathological liar and a verbal abuser. I am not denying that, when communicating with my husband, I do go over the handle, I do scream, shout, get violent and hurt myself in the process. My reason for doing this is, I feel that whenever my husband accuses me of something which I know is not true, it makes me crazy. By my actions and behaviour my husband is more and more convinced that I am lying and not telling all the truth. My husband usually remains very calm, whilst I am throwing my toys out of the cot and behaving like a deranged lunatic. Recently my husband has accused me of having an affair with my boss. My husband has suspected something for three years and would ask me about this from time to time. I would always lie that there was nothing, but my boss at the beginning was being overly friendly and offered me a lift to work. I rejected his offer but felt and suspected that my boss wanted more than being just colleagues since I would always refuse his offer of transport. I immediately reported the incident, a meeting was held between my self, my boss and senior officials. My boss also would make unnecessary conversations with me of which I would always show no interest. My boss would usually leave for a while but return with the same irritating way of making another conversation at another time. Until one day he said that if I did not take his offer of transport I should not be late to work. I found this to be inappropriate since I feel that I do not need a man to save me or help me with anything. I feel that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Besides, i felt that my boss was using his position to make me do something I do not want to do and put me in a compromising position. This I felt was inappropriate since I felt that my boss may have feelings for me and wanted to have an affair with me. This was when I first started working there. I did not tell my husband about any of this, whenever he asked, I would lie and say that there was nothing ever going on or went on. My husband always suspected an affair and I would always go off the handle and verbally abuse him. Three weeks ago my husband sent me clippings of infidelity. This set me off that I was on the street walking like a mad woman, leaving home for good, upset and angry. I eventually came home after my husband persuaded me to. When I got home and started talking, I decided to tell him about what happened three years ago between my boss and myself because I was frustrated that he always would accuse me of an affair when there was no affair. I told my husband that despite the fact that my boss irritated me, disgusted me, I hated my boss with a vengeance, couldn't stand the sight of my boss and my boss's presence made me very uncomfortable. Despite this, and because of the incident at the beginning, I knew that my boss had feelings for me. I told my husband that my boss's feelings were his problem, I said that I knew that my boss appreciated me and knew the way he thought and felt while my boss sat in his office. I said to my husband that I knew that my boss found me to be a sexually attractive woman. I said that I know that I am a beautiful attractive woman, if my boss wanted to sit and drool about me that was my boss's problem. I said to my husband that this made me feel good. This gave me an ego boost and got my thrills from it. I said to my husband that because I knew how my boss felt for me I could do whatever I wanted and I controlled that office and was the boss. I also told my husband that when I said jump, my boss would. My husband asked me about the woman that worked there, did I not feel appreciated by them. I said no I did not feel the same about the woman because they were woman and my boss was a male. My husband cannot understand that I was disgusted by my boss, disliked and hated the man and also feel all the above feelings. My husband feels that this is a contradiction, there is more to the story and this does not add up cause one cannot feel anything from someone that one is disgusted by. I am constantly asked about this and I always say the same thing to my husband because what I am saying to my husband is the truth. I become frustrated because I feel constantly accused and whenever my husband accuses me of anything that I know is untrue I go off the handle. I then scream on top of my voice at my husband out of frustration and anger, I use vulgar language not considering my children or the neighbors, I hurt myself and at that time I become violent, I take whatever I find , cords, knives to harm myself and also sometimes try to harm my husband and threaten him to stay away from me. Why do I feel I get into this state? I feel that the more I explain, the more I tell the truth, my husband does not believe me. I get frustrated, like I am being interrogated, pushed in a corner. I feel that my husband disbelieves anything I say and it frustrates me that if he disbelieves everything, thinks I am a liar, why then should he waste my time and his asking me for answers which he will disbelieve in anyway. The most frustrating thing about all this, is when I know I'm telling the truth and he is disbelieving me, I'm screaming and shouting and the damn man sits so calmly, I feel like I am a mad person. I feel that my husband is trying to push me over the edge. I feel like he is so convinced that I am all bad, he always points all my shortfalls and I feel like whatever I do is unimportant. My opinion is not important, my feelings too. I hate being accused wrongfully about anything and whenever my husband accuses me, he talks as though he is right about his accusations when I know he is not and I display terrible behaviour which makes me look guilty. I feel that my husband enjoys seeing me go crazy although he displays hurt about my behaviour. He is usually shocked at my behaviour. Please advise me whether I am a verbal abuser or what ???? Hello

My name is Lora, I am 37 years old and I married my husband when I was 18 years old. My husband was 19 at the time and we have children. My husband feels that I am an abusive partner. He feels this way because he cannot hold up a conversation with me and when he does, should I disagree with him, I shout loudly for everyone to hear, I scream and use vulgar language.
As I am writing this story my husband is sitting next to me, pointing out what I should say. When I am not saying what he wants, which is most probably the truth, he is telling me that I am a compulsive liar, I am also to my husband a pathological liar and a verbal abuser.

I am not denying that, when communicating with my husband, I do go over the handle, I do scream, shout, get violent and hurt myself in the process. My reason for doing this is, I feel that whenever my husband accuses me of something which I know is not true, it makes me crazy. By my actions and behaviour my husband is more and more convinced that I am lying and not telling all the truth. My husband usually remains very calm, whilst I am throwing my toys out of the cot and behaving like a deranged lunatic. Recently my husband has accused me of having an affair with my boss. My husband has suspected something for three years and would ask me about this from time to time.

I would always lie that there was nothing, but my boss at the beginning was being overly friendly and offered me a lift to work. I rejected his offer but felt and suspected that my boss wanted more than being just colleagues since I would always refuse his offer of transport. I immediately reported the incident, a meeting was held between my self, my boss and senior officials. My boss also would make unnecessary conversations with me of which I would always show no interest. My boss would usually leave for a while but return with the same irritating way of making another conversation at another time. Until one day he said that if I did not take his offer of transport I should not be late to work.

I found this to be inappropriate since I feel that I do not need a man to save me or help me with anything. I feel that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Besides, i felt that my boss was using his position to make me do something I do not want to do and put me in a compromising position. This I felt was inappropriate since I felt that my boss may have feelings for me and wanted to have an affair with me. This was when I first started working there.

I did not tell my husband about any of this, whenever he asked, I would lie and say that there was nothing ever going on or went on. My husband always suspected an affair and I would always go off the handle and verbally abuse him. Three weeks ago my husband sent me clippings of infidelity. This set me off that I was on the street walking like a mad woman, leaving home for good, upset and angry. I eventually came home after my husband persuaded me to. When I got home and started talking, I decided to tell him about what happened three years ago between my boss and myself because I was frustrated that he always would accuse me of an affair when there was no affair.

I told my husband that despite the fact that my boss irritated me, disgusted me, I hated my boss with a vengeance, couldn’t stand the sight of my boss and my boss’s presence made me very uncomfortable. Despite this, and because of the incident at the beginning, I knew that my boss had feelings for me. I told my husband that my boss’s feelings were his problem, I said that I knew that my boss appreciated me and knew the way he thought and felt while my boss sat in his office. I said to my husband that I knew that my boss found me to be a sexually attractive woman. I said that I know that I am a beautiful attractive woman, if my boss wanted to sit and drool about me that was my boss’s problem. I said to my husband that this made me feel good. This gave me an ego boost and got my thrills from it. I said to my husband that because I knew how my boss felt for me I could do whatever I wanted and I controlled that office and was the boss. I also told my husband that when I said jump, my boss would. My husband asked me about the woman that worked there, did I not feel appreciated by them. I said no I did not feel the same about the woman because they were woman and my boss was a male.

My husband cannot understand that I was disgusted by my boss, disliked and hated the man and also feel all the above feelings.
My husband feels that this is a contradiction, there is more to the story and this does not add up cause one cannot feel anything from someone that one is disgusted by.

I am constantly asked about this and I always say the same thing to my husband because what I am saying to my husband is the truth. I become frustrated because I feel constantly accused and whenever my husband accuses me of anything that I know is untrue I go off the handle. I then scream on top of my voice at my husband out of frustration and anger, I use vulgar language not considering my children or the neighbors, I hurt myself and at that time I become violent, I take whatever I find , cords, knives to harm myself and also sometimes try to harm my husband and threaten him to stay away from me. Why do I feel I get into this state? I feel that the more I explain, the more I tell the truth, my husband does not believe me. I get frustrated, like I am being interrogated, pushed in a corner. I feel that my husband disbelieves anything I say and it frustrates me that if he disbelieves everything, thinks I am a liar, why then should he waste my time and his asking me for answers which he will disbelieve in anyway. The most frustrating thing about all this, is when I know I’m telling the truth and he is disbelieving me, I’m screaming and shouting and the damn man sits so calmly, I feel like I am a mad person. I feel that my husband is trying to push me over the edge. I feel like he is so convinced that I am all bad, he always points all my shortfalls and I feel like whatever I do is unimportant. My opinion is not important, my feelings too. I hate being accused wrongfully about anything and whenever my husband accuses me, he talks as though he is right about his accusations when I know he is not and I display terrible behaviour which makes me look guilty. I feel that my husband enjoys seeing me go crazy although he displays hurt about my behaviour. He is usually shocked at my behaviour. Please advise me whether I am a verbal abuser or what ????

]]> By: Jack Daniels http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2525 Jack Daniels Fri, 27 May 2011 11:11:29 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2525 I used to work as a private investigator and it is unfortunate to report that the only way to catch someone is to provide hard evidence. The reality is that unless you catch someone in a clinch, there are plausable explanations for almost every thing listed above (apart from herpes .. sorry for you sarah). @jim You need to sort the rest of your life out and get your inner game right on yourself. Don't undermine yourself and it diminishes you if you make any kind of threat even if it is 'non-physical'. Sort yourself out and put yoursel first. It sounds like your partner has been through the mill so what are you doing to be empathetic. If she is having an affair it might not be with the ex but he might know about it (sorry to plant ideas) It is odd to sleep in a car no doubt about that. You could have offered an alternative solution to the problem. Buy an alarm clock. If she felt that was an unreliable way of making and appointment then it was extreme to say the least to sleep in a automobile. I would not let my spouse do that. If it came to it I would offer (and mean it) to do it my self. Did you offer Jim? Ok think about that for a moment but let's come back to the evidential side of things. You can split police procedurals into two catagories circumstance and evidence. Men are very practical and think they are good at covering tracks. women are more open and enjoy the attention of an affair and can 'exibit' more so that they can externalize the attention they are getting. Not to go too far down the route of biological reductiononizim, It might be natures way of signalling that this female courts multiple partners for diverse dna. Anyway I digress but the ultimate eveidence is a pregnancy that has it's own complications. Ultimatley it boils down to one thing. Gathering the evidence which is really a euphamism for spying. How to gather data? Well do it yourself and you are 'obsessed' or 'jealous'. Best left to a professional. But be discreet. It is a very risky strategy. I used to counsel our clients before we took the cases (I have a degree in Psychology like you can't tell). A professional investigator will provide you with proof but you might not like what you hear sometimes clients are dissapointed to find that spouses are not cheating. Alternatly, a spouse upon finding out they have been investigated in such a professional and clinical way can be driven further away even if they were innocent of any assertions of infidelity. My advice before you spend money is to get to know your self first. Get happy, get fit, get clever, focus on things that matter like the kids and or developing your skills so that money is never and worry and make sure you have friends and family of your own that you see. The long and short of is that this is the 21st century. Nothing is forever, why do you need to get married in the first place? Think about when you were in your teens. Relationships came and went. You accepted that, maybe not with ease but you adjust. The happier you are the more indispensible you are. One of the best stories I heard about this was a girl had been dating a guy for 6 months and she was getting bored of him. all the men before had chased after her when she was becoming fickle and moving on. Not this guy when she said that she wanted to move on. He looked at her and said 'sure off you go'. He was so confident and happy in himself that she saw this as a passive rejection of her. It had the opposite effect and they have been married for 50 years now. Be happy Jim put yourself first and don't consolidate your happiness in a single person or partner. While you are doing that you are wasting valuable time and it does not come again. Jack I used to work as a private investigator and it is unfortunate to report that the only way to catch someone is to provide hard evidence. The reality is that unless you catch someone in a clinch, there are plausable explanations for almost every thing listed above (apart from herpes .. sorry for you sarah). @jim You need to sort the rest of your life out and get your inner game right on yourself. Don’t undermine yourself and it diminishes you if you make any kind of threat even if it is ‘non-physical’. Sort yourself out and put yoursel first. It sounds like your partner has been through the mill so what are you doing to be empathetic. If she is having an affair it might not be with the ex but he might know about it (sorry to plant ideas) It is odd to sleep in a car no doubt about that. You could have offered an alternative solution to the problem. Buy an alarm clock. If she felt that was an unreliable way of making and appointment then it was extreme to say the least to sleep in a automobile. I would not let my spouse do that. If it came to it I would offer (and mean it) to do it my self. Did you offer Jim?
Ok think about that for a moment but let’s come back to the evidential side of things. You can split police procedurals into two catagories circumstance and evidence. Men are very practical and think they are good at covering tracks. women are more open and enjoy the attention of an affair and can ‘exibit’ more so that they can externalize the attention they are getting. Not to go too far down the route of biological reductiononizim, It might be natures way of signalling that this female courts multiple partners for diverse dna. Anyway I digress but the ultimate eveidence is a pregnancy that has it’s own complications. Ultimatley it boils down to one thing. Gathering the evidence which is really a euphamism for spying.

How to gather data? Well do it yourself and you are ‘obsessed’ or ‘jealous’. Best left to a professional. But be discreet. It is a very risky strategy. I used to counsel our clients before we took the cases (I have a degree in Psychology like you can’t tell). A professional investigator will provide you with proof but you might not like what you hear sometimes clients are dissapointed to find that spouses are not cheating. Alternatly, a spouse upon finding out they have been investigated in such a professional and clinical way can be driven further away even if they were innocent of any assertions of infidelity.

My advice before you spend money is to get to know your self first. Get happy, get fit, get clever, focus on things that matter like the kids and or developing your skills so that money is never and worry and make sure you have friends and family of your own that you see. The long and short of is that this is the 21st century. Nothing is forever, why do you need to get married in the first place? Think about when you were in your teens. Relationships came and went. You accepted that, maybe not with ease but you adjust. The happier you are the more indispensible you are. One of the best stories I heard about this was a girl had been dating a guy for 6 months and she was getting bored of him. all the men before had chased after her when she was becoming fickle and moving on. Not this guy when she said that she wanted to move on. He looked at her and said ‘sure off you go’. He was so confident and happy in himself that she saw this as a passive rejection of her. It had the opposite effect and they have been married for 50 years now. Be happy Jim put yourself first and don’t consolidate your happiness in a single person or partner. While you are doing that you are wasting valuable time and it does not come again.

Jack

]]> By: Sarah http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2505 Sarah Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:26:27 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2505 ok heres the thing! my hubby has cheated but does the stupid denial crap! i have 100% proof, because he gave me herpes! dont let it get to that point! trust me that crap hurts and the breakouts happen constantly because im under so much stinking stress with him! i love this man with all my heart but im tired of hurting and being scared he will or is doing it again, since i have herpes im more suseptable to other worse std's and that scares me to death! its hard to be with him, but then i think what does it matter ive already been scarred and made ugly for anybody else, who would want a fat girl with herpes?! anyways, trust your gut and do some investigating but it takes a long time im stil trying to find crap and this happened 2 years ago a week before my birthday! pray and give it to god and ask him to reveal the truth and if he feels the need to do it he will. ask for his will to be done! god bless and good luck! ok heres the thing! my hubby has cheated but does the stupid denial crap! i have 100% proof, because he gave me herpes! dont let it get to that point! trust me that crap hurts and the breakouts happen constantly because im under so much stinking stress with him! i love this man with all my heart but im tired of hurting and being scared he will or is doing it again, since i have herpes im more suseptable to other worse std’s and that scares me to death! its hard to be with him, but then i think what does it matter ive already been scarred and made ugly for anybody else, who would want a fat girl with herpes?! anyways, trust your gut and do some investigating but it takes a long time im stil trying to find crap and this happened 2 years ago a week before my birthday! pray and give it to god and ask him to reveal the truth and if he feels the need to do it he will. ask for his will to be done! god bless and good luck!

]]> By: Is My wife having an affair http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2472 Is My wife having an affair Sun, 13 Feb 2011 16:44:05 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2472 I finally caught my wife cheating on me with spy software that I put on her cellphone. It was the easiest way for me to be sure that she was sleeping with another man. I finally caught my wife cheating on me with spy software that I put on her cellphone. It was the easiest way for me to be sure that she was sleeping with another man.

]]> By: Jimjim http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2392 Jimjim Sun, 19 Dec 2010 21:40:01 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2392 Chas, You are probably right, the only strategy this guy has exercised is how to become a scum bag. Really, he had manipulated the 7 year-old daughter and she faught us in order to be with her dad so he can get her -check this out- a puppy, a pony, and show her how to be a lady not like her mommy. This is what the girl repeated and it had been worse things that a kid doesn't just say you know. I will say he does try the control and wins over my wife, I said \let him grow up, he's 10 years older than you, let him fall on his face when he does his parenting.\ She just has to change the jerk. I have felt relief overcoming long-term situations before too but, I don't forget who my enemies are either. Did you read both of my books I put up there? I feel like I am generating paranoia. Thanks Chas,

You are probably right, the only strategy this guy has exercised is how to become a scum bag. Really, he had manipulated the 7 year-old daughter and she faught us in order to be with her dad so he can get her -check this out- a puppy, a pony, and show her how to be a lady not like her mommy. This is what the girl repeated and it had been worse things that a kid doesn’t just say you know. I will say he does try the control and wins over my wife, I said \let him grow up, he’s 10 years older than you, let him fall on his face when he does his parenting.\ She just has to change the jerk. I have felt relief overcoming long-term situations before too but, I don’t forget who my enemies are either.

Did you read both of my books I put up there? I feel like I am generating paranoia. Thanks

]]> By: Chas http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2390 Chas Sun, 19 Dec 2010 18:42:36 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2390 @Scott - She is 100% screwing around or thinking of doing so Scott - my opinion. @Scott – She is 100% screwing around or thinking of doing so Scott – my opinion.

]]> By: Chas http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2389 Chas Sun, 19 Dec 2010 18:31:21 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2389 @JimJim <em>Hmmm</em>, even if she's totally innocent her 'Ex' is certainly a problem - is he stalking her? He sure sounds like a manipulative <em>sonofabchit</em> and maybe retains some control over her- via the kids? Maybe he's contacting her regularly and she's keeping it a secret from you as she knows you might go crazy? Maybe the guy feels he's got a chance when he actually doesn't. So tread carefully - don't push her away. You need more information before you act! My plan would be to find out what the bastard is chasing after before going any farther when questioning her. At the same time you don't want to appear a total, helpless 'dimwit' in her eyes!!! Mention calmly that you know that stuff is going on and you are being kept in the dark but do not understand why as you are committed to your relationship with her. You'd appreciate it if, for now ( if she can't tell you the truth) that she give you the respect of not lying to you. <strong>Then let's find out what that ex-fucker is up to!</strong> @JimJim Hmmm, even if she’s totally innocent her ‘Ex’ is certainly a problem – is he stalking her? He sure sounds like a manipulative sonofabchit and maybe retains some control over her- via the kids? Maybe he’s contacting her regularly and she’s keeping it a secret from you as she knows you might go crazy? Maybe the guy feels he’s got a chance when he actually doesn’t. So tread carefully – don’t push her away. You need more information before you act! My plan would be to find out what the bastard is chasing after before going any farther when questioning her.

At the same time you don’t want to appear a total, helpless ‘dimwit’ in her eyes!!! Mention calmly that you know that stuff is going on and you are being kept in the dark but do not understand why as you are committed to your relationship with her. You’d appreciate it if, for now ( if she can’t tell you the truth) that she give you the respect of not lying to you.

Then let’s find out what that ex-fucker is up to!

]]> By: JimJim http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2388 JimJim Sun, 19 Dec 2010 09:49:24 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2388 Oh and a few more details, she has a good memory but, could not account for the "touchy easily angered" every day barrage that I got while she had to step outside to talk to him in his car now during the exchange. One day I walked out and he pulled away and she said: "I was just finding out how things were going with their son during visits and stuff." I had not been on her about what's going on or asking any questions I did not need to and I said "I didn't say anything I had to get something from my car." She doesn't act guilty or offer explainations much. She later mentioned pawning her wedding ring temporarily, I said not a necesity for the measily amount offered, she said I was too critical about it, seems fascinated with Lady Gaga and I found her looking at nude female pictures online and acting surprised and stumbling when we simutaniously saw an old pop-up picture. She had lesbian friends before and said she would hang out with them in gay bars just as friends when her ex husband had a problem with it she stopped. She kept wanting a girl with a couple kids to live with us to help out with groceries and sitting, it did not work out. And I did not see it as a productive move with our household. The ex and her had not acted like "buddies" since I brought up the difference last year. I told her he would never have access to our house again and with both her children present during that time, she allowed him in the first room of the house to see a cat on the computer she was helping to find a home for. I asked her what changed here? Why did you decide what I said about him coming in was suddenly unimportant? She had no answer while I said "just tell me what led to that decision." She was silent. She also states that she never steps out on someone in a marriage. She does conduct herself honorably and many stories check out, she doesn't go drinking often at all and work is the highest priority besides sick kids. I have been cheated on enough to know signs but, am I crazy because if I found out an enemy of my home is laying naked with my wife occasionally removing opportunities for me and tainting my hopes here as well as all the hard work, I am going to be pretty ruthless without physically hurting anyone but, this week is two years married, no time for us, nothing good happens without a fight from us both to accomplish things. Is this in my head? Or are they convieniently relieving stress behind my back? Everything checks out good right now except the gut saying something's wrong and her ex drove by yesterday morning looking in the driveway when I was standing outside and had her car. Anyone have the patience to give me something like advice then and now? Oh and a few more details, she has a good memory but, could not account for the “touchy easily angered” every day barrage that I got while she had to step outside to talk to him in his car now during the exchange. One day I walked out and he pulled away and she said: “I was just finding out how things were going with their son during visits and stuff.” I had not been on her about what’s going on or asking any questions I did not need to and I said “I didn’t say anything I had to get something from my car.” She doesn’t act guilty or offer explainations much. She later mentioned pawning her wedding ring temporarily, I said not a necesity for the measily amount offered, she said I was too critical about it, seems fascinated with Lady Gaga and I found her looking at nude female pictures online and acting surprised and stumbling when we simutaniously saw an old pop-up picture. She had lesbian friends before and said she would hang out with them in gay bars just as friends when her ex husband had a problem with it she stopped. She kept wanting a girl with a couple kids to live with us to help out with groceries and sitting, it did not work out. And I did not see it as a productive move with our household.
The ex and her had not acted like “buddies” since I brought up the difference last year. I told her he would never have access to our house again and with both her children present during that time, she allowed him in the first room of the house to see a cat on the computer she was helping to find a home for. I asked her what changed here? Why did you decide what I said about him coming in was suddenly unimportant? She had no answer while I said “just tell me what led to that decision.” She was silent.

She also states that she never steps out on someone in a marriage. She does conduct herself honorably and many stories check out, she doesn’t go drinking often at all and work is the highest priority besides sick kids. I have been cheated on enough to know signs but, am I crazy because if I found out an enemy of my home is laying naked with my wife occasionally removing opportunities for me and tainting my hopes here as well as all the hard work, I am going to be pretty ruthless without physically hurting anyone but, this week is two years married, no time for us, nothing good happens without a fight from us both to accomplish things. Is this in my head? Or are they convieniently relieving stress behind my back? Everything checks out good right now except the gut saying something’s wrong and her ex drove by yesterday morning looking in the driveway when I was standing outside and had her car. Anyone have the patience to give me something like advice then and now?

]]> By: JimJim http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2387 JimJim Sun, 19 Dec 2010 09:10:15 +0000 http://www.cheatcatcher.com/clues-your-partner-is-having-an-affair/#comment-2387 I have a situation that never seems to go away. My wife has an ex husband (as I have an ex-wife) and last year she finished up a custody battle that was a started when we made plans to get married. Her ex is a cheater,very compeditive, snooped around her house before me revealing that he still wanted her, hands out credit cards to his girlfriends while he was still married, my wife mentioned how much she hated him for the first year of our marriage, I look at that as unresolved anger kids or not. The custody battle stemmed from my presence and a court case to modify their divorce decree with something minor. Last year she started getting angry-no reason or a silly reason, we are all very stressed, middle-age and both in school/working/both have kids. One day in November (chilly here) she said she had to sleep in her car in order to recover from night shift and get her son to an appointment two hours after her night shift. I took lunch early, left to see how she was doing and got there...no vehicle, a group of nightshift workers talking in the parking lot and I confronted her lightly, she said I just missed her but, she mentioned being on the road by 10am, I got there at 9:45, she said she was parked in the back, I said where all the people were standing around and she didn't answer. A month later, the ex who demands every peice of clothing even one sock out of a big pile her gets nasty about- happened to "mismanage" her sons clothing when a bag was returned. There was a new pair of panties, neatly folded, a little lacy and I walked in as she discovered them and her child was present, she held them up and said "Not the kind I wear" and threw them in the trash. I looked later and after she said it was his girlfriend's and they were the same exact size she wears. After the court case was over-before the car nap, and the panties, she was great friends with him laughing on the phone and talking about people they use to know. Was the panty drop off a trophy for me to see? She acted like she hated me and he was cheerful and so excited he offered to get me a job at his company at the time (he told her). Did they sort out some sexual frustration here? And what should I do, my marriage is without time alone and never a honeymoon. Should I ask him? Should I work on my own needs and get councilling? She brought up divorce over some literally stupid reasons twice in a month about the time they were just buddying it up. I told her "okay, over stupid reasons like this, we can get divorced I don't know how to solve stupid stuff." She then retracted and said "what do you think we can do to solve our issues?" So we are still together fighting for something without an answer. Can anyone offer logical, unimpulsive answers? Thank you. I have a situation that never seems to go away. My wife has an ex husband (as I have an ex-wife) and last year she finished up a custody battle that was a started when we made plans to get married. Her ex is a cheater,very compeditive, snooped around her house before me revealing that he still wanted her, hands out credit cards to his girlfriends while he was still married, my wife mentioned how much she hated him for the first year of our marriage, I look at that as unresolved anger kids or not. The custody battle stemmed from my presence and a court case to modify their divorce decree with something minor.
Last year she started getting angry-no reason or a silly reason, we are all very stressed, middle-age and both in school/working/both have kids. One day in November (chilly here) she said she had to sleep in her car in order to recover from night shift and get her son to an appointment two hours after her night shift. I took lunch early, left to see how she was doing and got there…no vehicle, a group of nightshift workers talking in the parking lot and I confronted her lightly, she said I just missed her but, she mentioned being on the road by 10am, I got there at 9:45, she said she was parked in the back, I said where all the people were standing around and she didn’t answer.
A month later, the ex who demands every peice of clothing even one sock out of a big pile her gets nasty about- happened to “mismanage” her sons clothing when a bag was returned. There was a new pair of panties, neatly folded, a little lacy and I walked in as she discovered them and her child was present, she held them up and said “Not the kind I wear” and threw them in the trash. I looked later and after she said it was his girlfriend’s and they were the same exact size she wears. After the court case was over-before the car nap, and the panties, she was great friends with him laughing on the phone and talking about people they use to know.
Was the panty drop off a trophy for me to see?
She acted like she hated me and he was cheerful and so excited he offered to get me a job at his company at the time (he told her). Did they sort out some sexual frustration here? And what should I do, my marriage is without time alone and never a honeymoon. Should I ask him? Should I work on my own needs and get councilling? She brought up divorce over some literally stupid reasons twice in a month about the time they were just buddying it up. I told her “okay, over stupid reasons like this, we can get divorced I don’t know how to solve stupid stuff.” She then retracted and said “what do you think we can do to solve our issues?” So we are still together fighting for something without an answer. Can anyone offer logical, unimpulsive answers? Thank you.

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