June 07, 2009 | | Comments 3

Dealing with Emotional Infidelity

Dealing with emotional infidelity is sort of like swimming through a quagmire of new information. The idea of emotional infidelity is rather new although the effects have been felt throughout relationships since the beginning of time. Emotional infidelity is often more intimate than a sexual affair. Emotional intimacy is very real and it is usually the basis for real and true relationship foundations, which is what makes it so scary for the partner of the one developing the intimacy.

If your partner has developed a relationship that qualifies as emotional infidelity, the first place to start is with their own awareness of the situation. Some people simply go for the feeling of being understood and start gravitating toward what feels comfortable without realizing the effects of their actions. There are plenty of people who believe it is not infidelity unless sex is involved. Yet if your partner is exhibiting signs of emotional infidelity you are already well aware that there is still a serious infraction of committed relationship basics when a partner becomes more emotionally involved with someone other than you.

When you first discover that your partner is exercising some emotional infidelity your thoughts might immediately turn to the worst case scenario. It does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over. It does mean that the two of you have to make a dedicated effort to return to each other, to work at reconnecting on that emotional level, if and only if you both want to. You don’t have to make a firm decision immediately. The first step is talking about the issue honestly with each other.

There is a good chance that the two of you can come back to the same level of emotional intimacy that he or she was sharing with the third party, and then beyond. Couples face struggles all of the time and in our throw away society it is not uncommon for many of us to throw away the relationship as soon as it gets mucked up. However, emotional infidelity requires a dedicated effort from each individual in order to return to a more intimate level between each other.

Returning from emotional infidelity requires emotional risk. It means being vulnerable and honest and loving from a deep place within to open up that connection again. This is not always an easy task. It requires throwing down what you have and loving your partner without inhibition to return to your original level of emotional intimacy, and being willing to risk the possibility that it might not work out in the end.

If your partner has already emotionally moved on and all that is left is going through the motions of breaking up and moving on, your challenge is learning how to let go without feeling the sense of failure that many people assign themselves under such circumstances. There are times that one partner does not share the same goals as their partner. Emotional infidelity can open up a wound in the relationship that was there and unacknowledged. If you find that the relationship is in disarray, sometimes the most you can do is learn from all that has happened and vow to love without abandon the next time around.

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  1. My husband had a emotional affair with an ex girlfriend. I am working on getting past that, I do not want to end my marriage and I am committed to saving it. All my friends and family would have been done with him by now but I hang on. I have lots of trouble with dealing with the trust issue and i feel as though I am going crazy . If anyone has any advice i would listen Thanks

  2. Good for you Amy! It’s obviously a different decision for everyone but it takes real guts to ‘fight’ for your relationship rather than just walking away.

    Believe it or not stronger relationships have been built after one partner has strayed and the other, betrayed partner, has the mindset to take the infidelity on and deal with it.

    Takes two, of course, to make it work so good luck to you!

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