June 14, 2009 | | Comments 1

Help in Surviving Infidelity – Sucks Don’t It?

Most people who experience being at the duped end of infidelity need a little help in surviving infidelity, although some people seem to take it in their stride. I could cut right to the core of the issue and simply state that if monogamy is a requirement for the continuation of the relationship then you’re better off knowing that your requirements are not being met. However, that usually doesn’t soften the emotional impact of the infidelity problem.

Most people who experience infidelity go through a myriad of emotions from anger to devastation to even a little bit of guilt. The strength of these emotions can be highly overpowering. You can feel angry enough to want to cause physical or emotional pain even though you probably know that it won’t assuage the feelings that you are experiencing.

The first step in surviving infidelity is to find an outlet for all the feelings that you are experiencing. A friend’s ear or a therapist work for some while sports or journaling/diary writing work for others. I believe a combination of outlets works best. A little talking, a little physical exertion, and a little self reflective exercises can be very effective in working things out. There is no denying that you have been wronged, but most of the time the wrong that was done has absolutely nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the person that cheated on you.

I knew a woman once who went and had an affair when she caught her husband having an affair. While it is not something I would recommend, this eye for an eye deal seemed to work for them. They remained married until his death 15 years later and not another word was spoken about it. Again, it’s not my style but if it works for your relationship, who am I to judge that?

Most people who need help surviving infidelity do not always recognize the legitimacy of their feelings. They feel as though their feelings are running them over and they don’t realize that these feelings are part of the process. The reason that people surviving infidelity have such issues is that they tend to feel as though the foundation that they built their life around was false. It wasn’t. The foundation that the life was built around had everything to do with what you wanted from life, and your perception of it. If your partner stepped away from that, then your foundation and beliefs are still the same.

Deciding to move forward with your life usually happens after you’ve experienced your feelings and figured out how you want to respond to the infidelity. There is a process to dealing with your emotions and making decisions day by day. You don’t have to make any permanent decision until you feel like it.

Every day, whether you’re talking about the actions of a committed partner, a traffic accident, or the tragedy of a loved one, harsh stimulus is thrown our direction and we feel we must figure out how to respond to it on a permanent level. There is no rule that says you can’t simply take things day by day and try to make the best decisions for you along the way.

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  1. How trivial traits may derail even the most beautiful of relationships is subtle and unexpected. The results, however, may be explosive and catastrophic. This scenario is not uncommon; it is endemic to our modern society. As a family physician, I see the consequences and regrets daily. The question is how can couples avoid what they really do not want?
    Perhaps, the best way to prevent infidelity would be to step into the future and look back. This is of course impossible, but seeing so many people who have allowed their relationships to slip away and are left suffering with their regrets, I undertook writing a novel to illustrate this exact problem. So many couples will be able to identify themselves and hopefully gain insight into their own lives and avoid disaster.
    Mannie Magid

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