How to Confront a Suspected Cheater

Infidelity is one of the primary reasons that relationships break up. Now, you may suspect that your spouse is cheating on you, and you want to confront him or her — but you’re not sure how to proceed. You should take a few things into consideration before you march headstrong into a one-on-one confrontation with your spouse.

First of all, remain calm and keep your composure. Losing your temper will solve nothing. It fact, it will likely make matters worse. Confronting your spouse with your concerns doesn’t have to turn into a shouting match. Do you have proof that your spouse is cheating? If so, what type of proof? Are you assuming that your spouse is cheating?

Perhaps because a friend of a friend saw your spouse talking to someone of the opposite sex? Make sure you have more to go on than hearsay or speculation before confronting your other half.

If you confront your partner with little-or-no proof that he or she is cheating, you could be creating trouble where there is none.

You should also be careful about involving friends or relatives in your confrontation. For instance, if you mention that a friend or family member saw your spouse with someone else, he or she may want to confront the friend or relative. That person may not want any further involvement even though he or she inadvertently became involved by informing you in the first place. The point is that by disclosing such information to your spouse, you could be causing a stressful situation for your friend or relative. It may be best to have further proof of cheating before confronting your spouse.

You should also consider the possibility that your spouse may not be cheating. Even though a friend or relative has seen your spouse with someone is not evidence that they are cheating. The person could be an old friend or co-worker. Engaging in a conversation, or having lunch, does not constitute having an affair. You’re probably wondering why your spouse didn’t mention the person or situation if it was so innocent. It could simply be that your spouse didn’t think it was important. Spouses do not always relate every single detail of their lives to each other, but that does not mean they are hiding something.

If there is reason to believe that your spouse may be cheating, and you want to confront them, do so tactfully. Tell your spouse that you have concerns and need to talk. Approach the subject openly and honestly by telling your spouse that they are a very important part of your life. Reaffirm your love for your spouse. Express your concerns without using an accusing tone. If your spouse isn’t cheating, they should be understanding of your concern. If your spouse is cheating, your expression of affection should make them feel a twinge of guilt.

You should never directly confront an abusive spouse alone. An abusive spouse may fly into a rage and cause you physical harm. You must consider your safety first. Have a friend or relative come over if you plan on confronting your spouse. If you prefer to confront your spouse alone, then do so in a public place. Your spouse will be less likely to become aggressive in public. Don’t rush to confront your spouse, but rather — take time to calm down and think things through.

Most often, a cheating spouse is not going to admit to their indiscretions voluntarily. If you do have proof of infidelity, be prepared for them to become defensive. It’s a natural reaction to get all ‘upset’ when put on the spot. If you don’t have the proof, and be told that your accusations are ‘mad’! — they may find it hard to forgive you and your relationship may become strained.

Confront if you must, but make sure you have the facts before accusing your spouse of cheating.