March 10, 2009 | | Comments 0

Is Your Partner Having An Online Affair?

There is a growing trend among apparently committed couples these days. The increase in cybersex relationships and online affairs is actually at disturbing numbers.

While there are varying definitions that determine what actually constitutes an affair or cybersex, the websites that promote this type of ‘hooking up’ are not all that discreet…

Most people who enter chat rooms, web posting forums, or role playing sites with the intention of meeting someone new while they are online justify and dismiss it as a non—affair because they aren’t meeting in a cheap hotel room rented by the hour.

You can catch a partner that is being unfaithful through a variety of methods, but what exactly are you supposed to do with the information once you have it? If you aren’t prepared to confront your partner on the issue, should you go through the motions to find out?

How much proof do you need exactly?

More importantly, what will you do when that proof is undeniable? Do you want a divorce or separation – or to find a way to overcome their obsession and get your relationship back on track?

The notion of online affairs isn’t one that has been out in the open for very long and many innocent partners, who find out about these strange connections, feel lost, alone and betrayed. These are normal feelings but there are very few places to discuss these feelings in order to best sort out your course of action.

I have known couples who have stayed together despite an online affair. I have also known partners who go about having their own affair once they discover their partner has been unfaithful, as if they’ve been ‘given permission’.  Two wrongs don’t necessarily make a right and breaking fidelity commitments on your end affects you just as much as your partner.

Confronting a partner about infidelity is something that you want to do only if you are sure that there is an online affair in the mix. Accusing a partner that isn’t engaged in an online excursion can also be damaging to a relationship. Confessing that you have installed software on their computer to catch them can also leave the trail of trust a little shaken.

I personally wouldn’t care if my partner installed spyware on my laptop because I have nothing to hide. However, I would have to question why there was a need for it. This creates an interesting scenario for those who are trying to determine if their partner is flirting with the extinction of the relationship i.e. looking for an excuse to leave.

Sniper Spy

I do know someone who caught their partner engaging in an online affair through a simple email. He emailed an attachment to his partner and later that night asked her for her email password because he accidentally deleted the file from his own email. While he used deception to catch her, she found herself in the position that left her with no way out. The emails from her online lover were in her Inbox, read and saved like little treasures.

However, refusing to give the password would clue him in that there was something in there that he shouldn’t see. I would, however, not recommend this course of action during the holidays or the month of your birthday. During these times, my partner is denied access to my email simply because of gifts that I may have ordered online.

Being sure allows you to bring the subject into the open, discuss it, and decide what to do about it. Wild guessing and conjecture is only going to drive you crazy over a period of time, and your mind can play some pretty nasty tricks on you when you are relying on your imagination to provide the facts.

Sniper Spy

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