May 02, 2009 | | Comments 5

Is Your Wife Cheating On You?

Even thinking about the fact that your wife may be cheating on you can be heartbreaking and devastating enough. If you suspect cheating and infidelity in your marriage, there are usually signs, or hints, beyond your “gut feeling” that she may be seeing other men.


Here are a few signs of a cheating wife that I am most asked about on this site:

  • Unexplained behavior or ambiguous responses to direct questions
  • Secretive phone conversations
  • She starts deleting her computer history when she hasn’t in the past
  • A sudden decrease in communication
  • Changes in her sexual preferences or drive
  • Starting arguments for no apparent reasons
  • Changes in her daily routines
  • A renewed interest in her physical appearance
  • Going out with friends more often
  • She suddenly has an interest in being away from the house

Look for changes in attitudes and any comments or remarks that your wife makes toward you. Does she attempt to get you out of the house, or does she bolt for the door every time you come home? Try offering to go out together, maybe for a date night, or just a quick lunch. If your wife uses examples like, “I have plans” or, “I don’t feel like going out”, especially on an ongoing basis, there is good reason to believe that she is hiding something.

Usually when one person in the relationship is starting fights with the other one, there is something wrong in the couple’s relationship. Disagreements, and even the occasional verbal spat are common in relationships, but when this is constantly happening, your spouse is probably hiding something from you. Aggression in this form may also be a sign of guilt.

If you have a good relationship with your wife’s friends, you could try asking them about your wife’s behavior. While their loyalties may remain with your wife, you may be able to gauge your mutual friends’ reactions to see if there is something worth worrying about. Also, if your wife is using her friends as an excuse to be out and about all the time — you may be able to catch your wife in a lie by talking to her friends.

While it’s a terrible feeling to even think that your wife may be cheating on you, living with the constant doubt is even worse. In order for you to keep your own health and sanity, you either need to get proof of an affair or infidelity, and then confront your spouse, or choose to put your feelings aside and trust that her whole heart is yours.

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  1. I have been falsely acccused of adultery by my husband. It has devastated our marriage. He has been relentless in his pressure to get me to “confess”. This is just as bad as dealing witht the real thing. Now he wants a divorce. My marriage is being ruined by something that never happenned!!! So, be careful before you accuse a faithful spouse of cheating.

  2. Wow Dana, so sorry to hear about your troubles. Unfortunately some people become so ‘paranoid’ that the ‘evidence’ or lack thereof becomes a secondary issue. Sound like your husband is just plain paranoid I guess.

    I try and make a point on this site to state that you should never accuse a partner of infidelity unless you have the kind of proof that a Court Judge would accept as being the real deal.

  3. what if im pretty sure my wife is having an affair,,but,,i just want to keep her so badly that,,i just keep this to myself,,and hope that she’ll eventually get enough and ,,get it out of her system and come back to me,,,this has been going on for about a year,,,ive heard her sisters whom are divorced,,snikkering in another room,,about her going out and having fun,,,,when they speak with me thet are almost nervous and dont say much,,ive knoticed as of late,,my wife rubbing her hands nervously when she comes home late,,and almost quivvering when she speaks to me

  4. @clemon – Hey man, I feel your pain. Yep, seems like she’s playing around and everybody knows about it including you ( her sisters sound like real bitches BTW!) but it’s obvious from what you say that she also feels guilty and nervous when around you. To me that is a good sign! If I were you I would GRAB that big time: the fact that she is feeling nervous and guilty gives you cause for hope! I know other visitors here will tell you to divorce her etc. but you have made it clear you don’t want that.

    SO my suggestion is that you GET TOUGH but only tough enough to say to her that you know what’s going on and you want it to stop.

    It’s REALLY important that once you’ve said that you just keep quiet and listen to what she has to say. Once she has, hopefully, come clean then move to step #2.

    I know this will sound silly but practice this with a good friend or family member before confronting her so you are ready to stay in control in what will be a very emotionally charged confrontation. Who knows she might be WAITING for you to tell her to stop! Ever thought about that?

    If it does stop you tell her you feel you can move on with her and get over it. Ask her what you need to do to change to help her come up with a positive decision. DO NOT plead, break down or act like a baby! Simply be aloof and dignified.

    Also make it clear that this is a ‘one time only offer’.

    You have to be strong, keep your dignity and make her feel like crap ( to be honest) but you also have to make it clear that you are not a doormat. Good luck to you!

  5. My wife verbally abused me for 10 days while I was on vacation from work for the 2 weeks I was home for. I knew something very big was going on at work between them, she would always come home at night and talk very openly about him, laughing while talking etc so I sent an email to her at work telling her I knew what she was up to. The only way she could get out of it was to abuse me endlessly while I was home. Before I blew it open she told me he was calling out to see her at home etc. She deleted all her SMS messages etc after texting him. It went on for a few months. About 100 people went to her work function, he sat across the table from me, never acknowledging the fact I was even there, talking endlessly to my wife while she just smiled back. Exactly how far things went at the office I guess I will now never know but she told me she was buying him a baby gift, I started to wonder who was having it but it was his wife, 6 months out, a very odd thing for her to do. I feel like our marriage has been severely compromised.

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