July 01, 2009 | | Comments 0

Reasons for Marital Infidelity – what did you do wrong?

Sure, there are many reasons for marital infidelity. Some people believe that if you are not taking care of ‘business’ at home that a partner will wander off to get their needs met elsewhere – hmm, seems a bit 2 dimensional.

Perhaps there is a tinge of truth to this, but this means that the “innocent” partner is just as liable as the partner that stepped outside the relationship. That might be reasonable under some circumstances, but what about the partner who decides to step out because his or her needs aren’t being met because their significant other is working 100 hour weeks in order to dig the family out from under? One person can only deliver so much.

A relationship is always a two way street. Each partner is responsible for their own actions and their own feelings. Each partner is also responsible for their own actions. If you hit me am I in the right if I hit you back? Is it your fault that I hit you, even though you hit me first? For some people these are complicated, grey area questions. For others, these are very black and white, right and wrong questions.

There are a number of situations that can lead to the end of a relationship, such as drifting apart and the inability to effectively communicating. Even the simple act of falling out of love could end a relationship. Infidelity happens when one partner wants to be the chronic center of all relationships in their life.

Anyone can meet someone who might be better suited to them, can fall in love with a coworker, or can start exploring new sexual interests without including their partner. In almost all cases, the infidelity is a result of the cheating partner not wanting to relinquish the perks of the original relationship. Usually the motivation is financial or situational.

Many couples, even unhappy couples, have developed a rather comfortable lifestyle. It can be scary for some people to break away from the security of that lifestyle and a comfortable if not rather boring relationship when they can get their excitement on the side. However, infidelity is not always about the end of the primary relationship. Sometimes people just like the danger of it all.

Regardless of what the reasons are, infidelity is a selfish action. It is an action that undermines that well being of another person. Falling in love, looking for excitement, or taking on daring sexual exploits are all reasons to end the primary relationship in order to pursue something that might make one happier.

The bottom line is that no matter what the reason for the infidelity might be, the partner that wants to make changes to the relationship is responsible for giving the information to the other partner. We are all responsible for our own actions and our actions are derived from our own desire to take care of ourselves.

In a committed relationship, each partner has an obligation to let the other know if their desires or intentions have changed. It is up to each partner whether that information means the relationship is over or if there is still a reason for continuing it. There are many relationships that wander in and out of monogamy and everyone is perfectly satisfied with the outcome. There are other relationships that require monogamy as part of the deal.

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