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September 14, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: How To Catch A Cheater Husband

Nancy asks…

He cheated 2 years ago, I’m still not over it?

I have been with my husband for 7 years and it was good for the first 4 years. Then he cheated on me with my best friend of 10 years. (No, I am no longer friends with her) I chose to stick it out with him because I do love him and I wanted it to be an unconditional one. We have 4 kids together and they also played a part in my decision to stay and work things out with him. I’ve done the counseling thing and thought I was past it but lately we’ve been fighting more and more. He feels he is carrying a cross on his back that I won’t forget and he can’t make up for.
I just don’t know what to do. My depression is increasing and I am still so angry about him cheating. I just keep thinking that he is not sorry about the act of cheating but that he got caught. I have found myself now to have a male friend (who is only a friend) and my husband thinks that I am looking to cheat. I can say with fierce conviction that I am not a cheater and am not looking to cheat. My husband is driving me crazy with his jealousy and paranoia?

Can someone just tell me how can I handle this with the best outcome for me and my family with the least amount of damage??
I want to thank everyone here for taking the time to answer and giving me such great positive advice and support. You are all special people for taking the time to keep it real with me because its just what I needed.

Chas answers:

Whether you know it or not you’re using the new man in your life against your husband. You want to show him that you’re doing him a favor by staying with him because really you’d have no problem finding another man. You are, quite possibly, doing all of that subconsciously because you are so hurt and broken over his betrayal. Forgiveness in it’s truest form is for you NOT him. It frees YOU from the burden of carrying a cross of your back and it opens your heart to really see your husband for who he is, a fallable human who is going to hurt you. His betrayal is the worst kind and it cuts deep to the core. You can’t heal that over night, you can’t heal it in two weeks, two months, sometimes it takes longer than 2 years. Are you seeking counseling alone to understand your anger? The truth is if you’ve truly forgiven him than you have to stop punishing him for what he did. Ask yourself honestly, have you truly forgiven him?!

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