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July 11, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: How To Catch A Cheating Husband Online

Lizzie asks…

I fancy him and he fancies me…he has a girlfriend and I’m married?

Two months ago I got a lift to a Festival (I go every year) with an ex-workmate of mine. We have always been good mates and that’s about it. He offered the lift a few weeks before the Fest while we casually chatted online. Days before the Fest he sent me a text message asking me to confirm the interest for the lift and I (only thinking about saving money and time on transport) said yes. I also assumed that there would be more people going with us in his car. When he came to pick me up on the day, he was alone and said he’d meet his friends there as they were coming from somewhere else… we both live in London.
During the journey we chatted loads about everything including our own relationships. He’s been with a girl for over a year and I’ve been married for seven. When we got there we went separate ways to meet our own friends as agreed previously. However, during the Festival we texted each other a few times in a friendly manner and eventually met up without our friends around. On that occasion, I wanted to introduce him to my mates but he insisted we went somewhere else and THAT was when I was totally caught up by him unexpectedly. He took me to this very nice bar he knew full of cushions and matts on the floor.
We ended up having a great night out together but didn’t do anything, nor even a snog… maybe things got a bit cosy at one point and we had a cuddle and stamped each other lips but both felt guilty and avoided going any further. The lust was unbelievably unavoidable.
The following nights the same sort of thing happened and the mutual interest grew stronger. By the end of the Festival I was totally into him and him into me, the chemistry between us was amazing.
Although I’m married and have never cheated on my husband nor even felt that interested in another guy, I have and always had a very liberal mind towards this kinda of things. I believe that people should live the moment and NOT let morals win over good feelings in life. Guilt is a waste of energy and submission of somebody else’s possessivity.
At the end of the Fest, he had to leave and I decided not to go back with him but I asked him to kiss me as we were all over each other but kissing and that was really stupid from my point of view (what’s the difference between wanting and doing???). He said he wanted it badly too but refused doing it saying that if he did he’d feel like a real bastard for me and for himself. I was really upset and felt heartbroken by the man… but respected his decision as for him that was the right thing to do, walk away.
It’s been nearly 2 months now that all this went on. We’ve been texting each other in a teasing and even sexual way. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want him and this is driving me insane! I have to accept he’s not going to fulfil my wish and his own. Sometimes, I tell myself ‘that’s it, enough! I’m gonna cut him off completely from my life, I was ok without him not long ago and will survive this silly fling’ but then, suddenly he texts me or pings me online and my heart melts down completely.
I feel really confused and trapped in this situation and not because my marital status but because he’s not brave enough to admit to himself what he feels. Still, he keeps me waiting, delude and feeding my lust. It looks like he messed up with my head at the wrong time but only because I allowed him to.
He tells me how amazing and gorgeous I am and how much he dreams about me and always found me hot and all but has avoided to see me since we got back which really pisses me off (we met up once soon after we got back but very briefly).
I wish he was more of a man and faced me as I, who have much more to lose than him, am willing to face. It’s like he keeps me interested to feel good about himself, selfishly and irresponsibly… but i must say, he’s a lovely, kind and sweet guy who, in fact might be trying to save me serious problems in the future if we ever get together.
What would you do in my situation???
Please don’t tell me the obvious such as to move on! I need to hear something more interesting. Thanks!
* My husband is not a saint at all by the way… and there are no kids involved. All the answers received (with thanks) are pretty mediocre and sadly (mis)judgemental… but I can respect them, just really glad none of you are part of my wonderfull and exciting life. Phew!

Chas answers:

He know that he is slowly destroying your marriage and he does not care. He know he is not being faithful to his girl friend and he does not care. He know he is deceiving you by presenting himself to you as a good person when in fact he is an animal and that does not bother him. He is a liar, a cheater, and a deceiver and you should have nothing to do with him.

You are trying to save a dollar or two, now you see what it’s costing you. You have been so lucky and blessed to have been able to escape all these temptations.
YOU MUST cut ALL contacts and move on with your marriage…this guy has nothing to offer but his charm and his car. Seven years of marriage is nothing compare to what he has to offer, being married for seven years, I’d have to assume that you have kids, also.
This guy know all the trouble that he is about to bring in your life and he ignores it all.

There is only so far you can go with people(no need to rude, but set boundaries) when you are married; you would not be in this situation today if you showed this guy that you were not interested in him long time ego.

It should be very easy for you to forget this guy and move on and I will tell you how to do it.

Think of this guy as an animal, as a terrible person that he is, as some body who is up to destroy your seven years of marriage, this should do it.

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