June 27, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: I Know My Husband Is Having An Affair What To Do

Helen asks…

Where do I begin? I am at a loss for words….?

I have been married for 15 years, 3 great kids. My wife and I barely speak to each other anymore, we have not slept in the same bed for over 4 years. I have been loyal to her and she has been loyal to me as well. We have made love, sex, about 5 times in 4 years. There is nothing there except pity on my side, fear of her family on the other. I know she loves me but it is not the way a wife should love her husband. I love her as the mother of my children but I am kind of embarrassed to say that if she would not be here when I wake up, I would not lose a days sleep. I am not a cold person, I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. Her family is very good to me, it would kill them but what am I supposed to do, just stay here and go see a marriage councilor? It would be a waste of time.

My problem is this. I have met an amazing person who has opened my eyes, she is just a good girl. She is years younger than me but I don’t feel that is an issue as I am very active and she looks a little bit older as well. She brings a smile to my face, she makes me laugh and she listens to me every time I need a friend. I have never tried to touch her in anyway sexual way. I do not know how to feel for her. I think she has some feelings for me but the baggage that I carry is too heavy ti burden her, knowing her though, she would probably adapt, it is the type of person that she is.

I think about her every day, every minute actually. I have no guilt. My wife and I have not been happy for a long time. Why have kids? I love children, they are my life. I am a good provider and I worship the ground they walk on. I do not want them to suffer, but I ask myself, are they happier this way?

I do not have the heart to walk out on my wife, it’s not the type of person that I was raised to be. I will not have an affair with this girl because I don’t want her to be the reason for any divorce, I also don’t want to hurt her. She does have feelings for me, I feel it in my heart, I see the way she looks at me, she knows the way I look at her. She is beautiful, she is intelligent and a very strong person.

We talk at night and I sometimes feel like she rushes away from me? Maybe I am wrong about her, maybe I am just a man who is completely gone crazy? But in my heart, I know that I am not. I know she cares about me, I feel her. I love everything about this girl. It goes against everything that I believe in to feel this way. My wife does not love me the way a wife should love her husband, we have spoken many times about separation but it just never happens.

I will not leave her for another woman, because it is not fair to either one of them. If I stay with her, I will be miserable and will never know what would have happened with this amazing girl who has brought a smile into my face from the first time that we met.

Has anyone ever been in this position? Has anyone not made a harsh decision where no one has gotten hurt? Can anyone just tell me what to do please, I can not continue feeling this way, it’s not fair to me, or to anyone around.

I can not sleep, I can not eat, I can not work right, I am just miserable and it is getting worse as the days go by.

Thank you in advance

So many answers in such a short time. I must emphasize that we are past the point of trying. We don’t laugh anymore, we don’t even talk about anything. As far as the kids ar concerned, it is not fair to them to see their parents like this, they are very young, under 10, they will miss nothing financially as I am willing to give everything away. I must also emphasize, I HAVE FELT THIS WAY EVEN BEFORE I MET THE GIRL. WE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT SEPARATION WAY BEFORE I MET HER. This girl does not deserve baggage like the ones I carry, she deserves happiness, I am so messed up, omg, I don’t want this anymore.

Chas answers:

For the respect, love, and any dignity that you may have left for this woman who gave birth to your three children and suffered blood, sweat, and tears for you and those kids, GET AWAY FROM THAT YOUNGER WOMAN NOW!

You’re not young any more, and don’t think you’re going through some mid-life crisis or anything…this is just the enemy getting into your mind! If you do not have any spirituality in you, I suggest you pick up the Bible and read…it will show you the keys of marriage.

Pray for strength, endurance, and for the avoidance of temptation!

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