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October 08, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: I Think My Husband Is Having Affair

Ken asks…

is my husband affair really over?

my hubby had an affair with a colleague? i found out lately with proof asked him to make a choice. he chose me over her. he says he has realised, he even told me its a mistake. we have a lot of arguements when i get depressed and think about his affair. He tells me he feels sorry for hurting me & his conscience is killing him
. he has recently taken up drinking daily after he ended the affair with her. she is still working in his office. when i ask him why is he drinking he says he feels sorry for me. does he genuinely feel wrong.

Chas answers:

My dear,
My sympathy for you, it must be tough to go through this ordeal, stay strong.
If you want to really know, then you have to make it a point to get to know. Make some friends at his office, take lunch for him now and then{not too often,since it can suffocate him} or meet him after office hours so both of you can go out(but sometimes gossip can be misleading, so be careful what you hear), hire a detective, get to know that girl.
From what you say here, he does seem to be somewhat concerned about you, now that the cat is out of the bag.
From your side, if you want this marriage and you want this to work, then you have to work on it.
Start with communicating with him openly about this topic without arguing, that is the only way you will get to the bottom of the pit for change to happen. Ask him as to what led him to the girl,why her? Why was he unhappy with the marriage(some men may give reasons which blame the wife, but you will know whether there is actually fault or lack on your side & if anything needs to be corrected from your side, even if there is a lack on your part, it is no excuse.). And like someone above mentioned, you have to make him realize what he has from being with you, but don’t leave him by himself since it is fresh and temptation can bite back.
And if changing your place of residence and his work place is better,for both of you, then do so, this may decrease his drinking eventually and his temptations for that girl.
And if you can go to the office and talk to that girl,do that, no heated arguments / insults / embarrassing in front of others, just tell her that she should not upset or break up a marriage / home. Make a friend or two at the office(invite his friends and their wives to your house) who can look out for you.
Don’t leave him for prolonged days by himself since it is fresh and temptation can bite back.
And it is always good for you to become financially independent, start with a house job.
If there is anything that you need to improve physically(better dressed, to make you look more attractive etc.) do so.
============================
Gain some knowledge and work on your relationship to strengthen it :

–( important)
There is a spiritual side to love & marriage as well.Do browse thru this and follow. This has helped even failed marriages.
Http://sites.google.com/site/drskyloveandmarriage

Read these books:
===The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It by M. Gary Neuman
==Creating an Intimate Marriage: Rekindle Romance Through Affection, Warmth and Encouragement by Jim Burns (Jul 1, 2007)
A Little Book of Romance: 101 Ways to Make Your Marriage Sizzle by Debra White Smith (Dec 1, 2008)
==Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis
BY DR . James C. Dobson
==The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
By Dr. Gary chapman

If you cant find them in bookstores, then go to amazon.com / ebay / online book stores

=======================================
And for you to remain strong and healthy(mentally,physically,emotionally) you need to get rid of this pain within you. These are cleansing processes.
Here are some ways:

https://sites.google.com/site/kriyayogaartoflivingdrsky/kriya-yoga-details

Kriya yoga helps, but not to be done during pregnancy, and if any medical problems seek your doc / yoga teacher advice.

——————-
Do this golden light meditation daily for healing after the introduction for breathing.

Http://www.lightmovement.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=83&Itemid=94

Wish you best.

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