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October 01, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: Is My Wife Having A Affair

Ruth asks…

Wife had affair 10 years ago, last week admitted kissing someone else and desire to have sex w/ other men?

I’ve been married for 11 years, and my wife had a one-time affair a year into it. We worked thru it then and had two kids several years later.

Now she admitted having feelings for one guy last year, then actually made out w/ another 2 weeks ago. She says it is over and she wants to “rekindle our passion,” although she is attracted to other men and is curious what it would be like to have sex with someone else (I was her first, and she says the one-time affair 10 years ago was horrible).

If it wasn’t for the kids I would definitely bail, but because of them I feel like I have to try my hardest to reconcile & improve the marriage. However, there is little point if she has so little respect for her husband and our marriage fully deteriorates.

She claims her desires are normal and we just have to work thru it, but I don’t feel right about being second fiddle to her lust for other men. Is this worth saving, or is it even possible? I am miserable.

Chas answers:

You say you are miserable.

She apparently is not happy if she’s pulling this mess.

Your kids are already aware of this- don’t kid yourself.

I’ve been where you are- she’s going to keep messing up and saying “oops, let’s work on this,” and you are going to stay miserable and heartsick because no matter how good it gets, you will spend the next 10 years waiting for the other shoe to drop. The older your children get, the more they will be aware of exactly WHY you both are miserable.

Let her satisfy her curiosity, but not at your expense and the expense of your kids.

Get out.

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