November 17, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: Sign Wife Is Having An Affair

Donald asks…

How do you handle hurt feelings from his family?

My BF(hes 52, Im 57. all of our children are grown. He has been in the divorce process for over 3 years. I met him after 1. I had met his ex several times over the years but never him. His wife has had multiple affairs ( judge has ruled her adultry as the reason for divorce action). As a result he owes her nothing. He is not the type to leave her high and dry and continues to help her with her bills. Im proud of him for that. She has refused to get a job of any kind because she never had to work before. the last court date to sign the final papers was a few weeks ago. She refused to sign the papers because “God told me not to”. In the meantime “I am to blame for their breakup”. The problem I have is the constant phone calls and texts asking for money from all his family and complianing to him about me and what I do or twisting things I might have said and every few days he tells me something that has been said and usually twisted that his family has said. I have repeatedly asked him not totell me hurts me. All I am asking of him is that when they start to talk about me is for him to stop the subject. If he continues to listen then I have asked that he not tell me what was said because it hurts me. Yet this continues. he then gets upset because I cant tell you anything. The stress is causing me some health problems. He refuses to see a family therapist. Help. Its getting to the point I want to leave. He even comes home and”i wouldnt blame you if you left” I have never told him I thought about leaving. I love him and believe when the divorce is final things will improve. Another part is I have a private income and dont work which increases the wifes demands. “let her pay it” Any ideas how to stop.the roller coaster? I love him. Outside of the family stuff life is great and I dont want to leave. Thanks.i

Chas answers:

I’d say you discuss in very specific terms what exactly is he getting at when he says he’wouldn’t blame you if you left.’ Depending on the tone, it could range from him wanting to end in near future to being unsure but in general, its not a good sign.

When you’re surrounded by the situation, you cant see it but to an outsider, when he says “I wouldnt blame you if you left” is a flag. People who really want to make it work will not only not say that but will do exactly what you want them to do (ie stop subject, not tell you about it, see therapist etc) and some will go above and beyond what you want.

I would say you seek clarification but in general really push them to do what you expect/want and if they dont, then as someone said, cut your losses, you deserve better.

Also, this drama shit is some real bullshit and it needs to end asap. If it doesn’t then remove yourself from the situation asap. You must way before it affected your health but absolutely after if affects your health.

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