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October 10, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: Signs Wife Affair

Richard asks…

I don’t know how to fix my marriage?

I worked hard to get out of school and into this economy which is trouble. But we’re making it work financially so far. I am troubled by the fact that my wife wasn’t very supportive while I was in school. She had family problems of her own including her father’s illness and death a while back, but also was beginning to show signs of an emotional affair for about a year. We moved and so that guy is out of our lives, but she’s shown disrespect and disloyalty (though never outright cheating) on a few occasions. I was always the one trying to talk things through, which bothers me that she never seemed to want to talk or even care. Over time I thought we got better but then she told me about a month ago that she’s bored, wants all kinds of weird sex including with others, and then said she’d never act on it though. But I feel like the last two years have taken it all out of me, her repeated complaints about her job, repeated signs of at least some interest in sleeping around, and disrespect. But now she wants kids and I worry about that. She also wants us to reconnect, she wants to come home tonight and talk about everything and no tv or computer (she watches tv and gets on facebook almost obsessively, that’s most of her free time). But I feel like I’m so confused and also feel rejected by her after all this time. She wanted sex the other night and I couldn’t even consider it I was so disinterested and she says I don’t love her. Honestly between my lack of financial success and my marital stresses I was thinking of why I bother going on. She’s done counseling on her own but never talked about these issues, but instead her father’s death and her mom’s struggles. So far she has little interest in couples counseling because she says we’re fine and says I’m just depressed. How do I get us back on track? How do we reconnect?

Chas answers:

Tell her what makes you happy and what makes you unhappy. Then she should do the same. Sit down and see if you want the same things. Kids will not solve your problems so better work things out between you before they are born, otherwise it will get really complicated and everybody will be miserable. She has to learn to respect herself, this means no more cheating or fantasies about other men, she must spend more time offline, she must give you more attention, care, inspiration…like all women should do for their husbands. See if she is willing to work on this marriage as it takes two, you know… And if not…do you have any idea how many hot single women are out there who would do anything to treat you like a king?

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