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October 30, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: Signs Your Wife Is Having An Affair

James asks…

Should I leave my wife?

Firstly, please only serious answers.

About 15 days ago I found out my wife was having an affair with a man I invited into my home because he was going through some a difficult in his life. Since I have confronted her, I have explained my stance on it full in that her relationship with this man must end. She hasn’t ended things with him and I suspect that they continue the affair when I leave the house to clear my head, there are some signs such as her showering in the middle of the day and him washing his sheets. She cheated on me because of neglect and I recognize that and have said just about everything I can to assure her that that would never happen again. I love her to death but she is giving me no indication of ending her relationship with him. She says she loves him and me. I told her just yesterday that I want a divorce and am wondering from others perspective if I am making a mistake. I am moving out at the end of the month/early June and I know they will become sexually reacquainted. The situation has me a wreck, I hate her for what she’s done. I’ve forgiven her for the initial deed but she continues to be friendly with him, spending time alone with him and leaving the house in long bursts to spend time with him. We’ve been together for coming up on 8 years and this july would make 4 of those years married. I don’t want to lose her but I feel like she has made up her mind, though she says otherwise.

Answers to some of your initial questions:
1.) Why haven’t you kicked him out of the house yet?
-I had told him to leave and when he didn’t I grabbed my phone to call the police. My wife took my phone from me and when I went to get it back I grabbed her arm. So I called and while waiting he said he’d be pressing charges for domestic abuse, on top of that the wife who also her her name on the deed refuses to let him leave. (yeah he’s a douche)

What do you think?
I won’t know, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this fully and appreciate the anonymity of being online.

Any kids:
No

Chas answers:

I don’t think that leaving her would be a mistake. The only mistake that you can make in this situation is to stay. It’s going to hurt in the long run. You’re wife is a sorry person for acting the way that she is and she knows that you are willing to allow it almost. Like you said, she needs to make a decision and it looks as though she already has. And although she says she hasn’t, why are you giving her the privilege of even making that choice? She’s not the only person in this relationship so she shouldn’t be the only one making the choices. Say, “It’s over, we’re done. I’m moving out and he can move in. I do not care.” Get your sh*t and leave this mess behind you. I am in utter disbelief that a woman that you have spent 8 years of your life with could treat you this way and just run off with another man.. NOT TO MENTION, a man that you let live with you out of the kindness of your heart. I’m sorry, she doesn’t deserve you. She doesn’t deserve anyone.

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