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September 16, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: Think Husband Having Affair

Robert asks…

Why most married man think their affair is not a mistakes until they get caught ?

I have heard many wives telling me that when a husband affair is discovered, the first thing they will say is ” it was a big mistakes” and this includes my ex husband.

p.s.
People do you think you can answer my question without an insult or some kind of smart remarks here? I will do appreciated it….merci!

Chas answers:

I think it’s because they feel ashamed when they are caught doing something SO wrong. While they are having their affair, they feel they still have the option of Stopping at any time, but when they’re actually caught red-handed (“with their pants down”) that option has gone. It’s more shameful in that moment.

The contrast in their thinking while having the affair is because there is no exposure, and he’s feeling no shame, he’s just doing what he’s doing — playing out a fantasy, like it’s NOT REAL…. It’s not part of his Real Life (it’s a sectioned-off area) so there’s nothing to feel ashamed of.

As soon as he is bust, he knows from that point there’s no more fantasy, there’s accountability, there’s explanations due, there’s what-the-hell-do-you-think-you-were-doing. The shock of actually facing reality makes his affair look like it was a big mistake: The affair wasn’t a mistake that he just fell into accidentally, NO, the mistake HE is referring to is the Decision to Go Ahead and Have an Affair.

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