September 27, 2011 | | Comments 0

You Asked About: What To Do When You Find Out Your Husband Is Having An Affair

John asks…

What happens when you find out your husbands had an emotional affair.?

Last night on new years eve at 10pm. I recieved a phone call from the spouse of one of my husbands co-workers. He sent me copies of emails between them. He told her he loved her and hated being with me etc etc…. When I confronted him about it he lied and then lied some more. Now I dont know what to do. He’s put a lot of the blame on me, but I havent done anything. He tells me he hasnt slept with this woman, but then one of the emails said that He couldnt stand my touch and couldnt wait to be with her. So what now?

Chas answers:

First…it seems like a very odd time for the spouse of your husband’s co-worker to be contacting you. Also, how did they get their hands on the email? I would ask some serious questions about the motivation of this party in it.

After that, assuming your husband has had an emotional affair, surely you must have felt things have been different in the marriage between you two lately. How has the communication been between you? Are there other outside troubles going on between you and your husband? Please understand…I’m not blaming you, a marriage is a union between two people. Therefore those lines of communication must always be kept open and used. My guess is there is something lacking in your marriage for him to look outside of it to fulfill his need. You can solve this only if both of you want to. If he says he’s not interested in working on his marriage with you, then it’s time to call it quits and get out. But, make every effort possible to fix what’s wrong between you first. If you don’t, years down the road, you’ll always ask yourself if you did everything you could.

I understand your situation…I had an emotional affair and choose to stop it. Nothing physical happened. But when I look back on it, I realized that my marriage was lacking intimacy and communication. I found those in this other person. I love my wife and want to make it work. Therefore, I put aside the feelings I was experiencing for this other woman and focused on my marriage. Things have been better. But a key difference is that I wanted to make it work. Sounds like your guy doesn’t. Good luck.

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